All I Want For Christmas Is A Waist (My New Fantasy Friday!)

As you all know (or at least have figured out by now) I'm a blogging baby. Sort of a "virgin" if you will. I mean, it's not my first time anymore, so not really a virgin so to speak, but you get the point. In my blogging research, as I've browsed many of your blogs I've learned about memes such as Thursday Thirteen and Friday Feast, etc. I love reading these and appreciate the thought process they create and therefore decided to start my own. Not like I'm trying to start a revolution or anything.
I don't expect anyone to follow suit and form the "Fantasy Friday Forum" (although that would be kinda cool...). (On the other hand, in the wrong setting this topic could get way off-colored...hmm...maybe that's why no one's ever come up with a fantasy friday...or maybe they have and I just don't frequent those kinds of blogs...)
Anyway...Fantasy Friday. It's my blog and I can do what I want!!
My first FF topic is my one and only Christmas wish. My ultimate fantasy at this point.
I want a waist.
I mean, a real waist. I want to be able to slide a tape measure off of my hips and onto my waist and actually be able to CINCH it. I try to cinch it now but it only makes me look like I'm packaging up a sausage.
I've never really had a waist. Even before I had my four kids I was sort of a box shape. A square. Neither an apple nor a pear...more like a granola bar. I actually used to buy boy's jeans in high school because they were the only style at the time that didn't incorporate an extra baggage section across the hips but still maintained enough room in the waist for me to sit without getting gas. I know what some of you are thinking...rough problem...but it didn't exactly make me the pick of the litter on date nights. I used to stuff shoulder pads in my bra just so I had some tiny semblance of a curve that didn't involve my head.
Since kids, of course, the problem has expanded. Literally. When I try to do a waist to hip ratio I end up with a whole number and some change. This Christmas, I want a fraction.
This isn't all about vanity, either. I'm carrying around an extra 15 lbs. of baby weight (can I still call it that nearly 3 years after the fact?) and 13 of those are resting comfortably around my middle. According to the American Heart Association, this is the most dangerous place to carry such poundage. So I not only look like I wedged myself in a life preserver, I am also putting myself at increased risk for heart disease.
And seeing as how the area formerly known as my waist is the first place I gain, you would think it would be the first place I'd lose.
WRONG.
The more I exercise, the skinnier my legs and butt get and the more I resemble a corn dog.
What is a girl to do? I'm afraid my only hope is Santa and a wish. I know the noble thing to wish for would be world peace or Britney Spears getting her life together but those things actually have a snowball's chance. Me and a waist?? Well, that's the stuff Fantasy Fridays are made of.