Monday, December 3, 2007

A Penny For Your Thoughts, A Dollar For Your Potty Mouth

I'm trying to be a better mom. I'm trying to be more patient and really listen to my kids when they have something to say, instead of the absent-minded "uh-huh" I tend to answer them with. I know someday, not too far off, they will stop talking to me and I'll be wishing I could get back to the time when they used to ramble on endlessly.

That being said, yesterday was not one of my finest. We woke up with #3 and #4's eyes glued shut with Pink Eye, a raging ear infection in #3's left ear, and the flu from head to toe for #1. #2 was the only one who escaped unscathed, but considering he's still trying to get his hearing back 100% from the ruptured ear drum, he deserved the break.

We skipped church (Hubby went to teach our Primary class but since only Bella showed, they stuck her in another class so as not to have the one-on-one with a male teacher, so Hubby came home) and played hospital all afternoon. It wasn't the worst day ever. In fact, it was nice that all of it hit on a Sunday so that Hubby was home to help. But, by the time 7pm rolled around, the kids were bouncing off the walls from being sequestered and I'd had it. I stuck the younger three in the bath while Hubby worked on his football highlight film.

I got the kids out of the bath and #3 and 4 ran around the house like a couple of banshees while I tried to round up their jammies. I was just about to get #4 dressed when I noticed an icky brown substance streaming down her leg. I did a quick scan around the family room and found the rest of the icky brown substance...all over my carpet. I yelled for Hubby to help while I stuck #4 on the potty to finish what she'd started. Hubby cleaned up the "chunks" then appointed himself Bum-Wiper, leaving me to scrub the rest of the icky brown substance out of the carpet.

When I finished scrubbing the carpet, I yelled various threats upstairs to the older kids about brushing their teeth, cleaning their rooms and getting to bed, etc. I asked Hubby to brush #4's teeth (to which he turned to #4 and said, "Go brush your teeth." and then sat back down to work on the highlight film. Thanks...very helpful.) I finished cleaning teeth, hanging up towels, washing icky brown substance stained towels and threw #3 and 4 in bed with a quick peck and a mumbled "I love you."

I went to get #1 and 2 in bed and totally lost it when I found #1 playing jam ball in his room instead of getting ready for bed. I yelled something to the effect of "If you can play basketball like this after laying around the house 'sick' all day you can damn well get yourself to school tomorrow. Don't even ask to stay home in the morning!!" To which #2 quickly chimed in "You owe me a dollar!"

I've always had a little bit of a potty mouth and have tried really hard not to use it anymore. I made a deal with the older two about a month ago that if they ever caught me swearing, I'd give them each a dollar. Pretty good lesson for both of us, I thought (and I hadn't had to pay up once).

This, however, was not the happy little teaching moment I'd envisioned when I made the deal. "It doesn't count when one of you guys is screwing around!" I yelled back, slamming the door behind me.

Short story long, after a long, hot bath, I snuck back into their rooms with a dollar and a Post-It note apology to both of them. I mean, what is the point of the rule if it doesn't count when I'm mad? When else do I ever swear? What lesson would that teach them? You shouldn't swear, unless of course you're upset, in which case it doesn't count. Hmmm. Not so much.

On a lighter note...(my week just keeps getting better, and it's only Monday!)

This is what I woke up to this morning:
You may not be able to tell, but she is missing the entire front half of her hair. This is what she looked like last time I saw her:
A cute little A-line hair cut with NO BANGS. Thanks to #3, this morning her bangs start half-way back on her head and are barely long enough to be classified as bangs. Not to mention the fist size chunk he took right off the back of her head at the crown. I tried to get a pic of that one but her hair is so fine and so blonde that the flash just drowned it out. Anyway, this is what we're left with after I tried to blend it all in:
She, of course, is
thrilled. She LOVES getting "Peety Hair-tuts". I'm trying not to cry as I wonder how I'm going to keep the clump in the back from standing straight up. (Notice her poor little swollen pink eyes!)

Hey, it can't get any worse today, right?

25 awesome people said...:

KATE said...

Oh honey! Don't EVER say it can't get worse!!! In my experience every time I say that it DOES!!! So knock on wood or something!
I'm so sorry. Sick kids, crap in the carpet, amateur hair cuts, I've said ALOT worse for ALOT less!!
We definitely do the Potty Mouth thing here!
Good Luck, get yourself a Diet Coke & some chocolate. Things will look better!!

Lisa-Marie said...

I am so sorry. We have all been there, done that. Does it help to know you are not alone...or do you just wish it was someone else's turn? Ya, I know. Dumb question. Well, hang in there. And I agree....CHOCOLATE. Lots of it. Or if you were me, peppermint ice cream!

lindsey said...

Man Amy! You need to drink a diet coke, fast. At least that always makes my problems seem easier. Good think I don't drink alcohol. hehe!

I'm going to be totally honest with you. I have a really bad potty mouth. Probably a lot worse than yours. I'm working on it. I'm glad you kept your end of the deal, a bets a bet! Next time I swear I'll owe you a dollar. :)

You're a good mom! Taking care of our little ones is a challenge, but like you said it goes by so fast and we will look back and wish we could go through it all over again!

btw... #4's bangs poor thing! You fixed them up really nice. Her new hair cut is very modern and very cute!

lindsey said...

and that was thing not think... I am "queen-typo"!

Christie said...

I hate it when the children correct me on stuff I nag them about. I have to stop myself and remember that as the parent I'm not exempt from the rules. (Even though I am, dammit!)

That sounds like a horrible day. And the haircut? I hope you got mad enough that she learned her lesson and won't do it again. My son did that to my daugther's hair AFTER I had spent a year growing out her bangs. As it grew in, she looked like a white-trash mullet child. It was HORRIBLE.

Get some chocolate and a diet coke, stat. Then lock yourself in the bedroom and ignore them.

AMY said...

Stie-
You got it. She was totally Joe Dirt this morning. And she has the worst hair ever so she'll be Joe Dirt till she's 12. Ahhh. Love it, love it, love it!
And to all...thanks for the diet coke wishes. I've had thirty so far today and no plans to stop! It's a good thing coke is all I drink, Linds! :)

Rochelleht said...

Thanks for dropping by! That hair is my worst nightmare. It hasn't happened to us yet and I have been knocking on wood for 8 years. It seriously scares me.

I hate pink eye. We have been through it many times here. UGH!!!

Brooke said...

Don't ever say it can't get worse, or you will get it. I am so sad about Gracie's hair. It was so dang cute when they were all at my house. At least we all know it is hair and it will grow back!:) Smile it really will. I have a poem about cutting hair. I will have to find it and get it to you. You will appreciate it right now.

lattemommy said...

I just ran across your blog via a comment you left on My Chaos, My Bliss. So sorry to see that gorgeous crop of blonde hair gone! You did a nice job of fixing it up, though. Too bad it's not summer - it would have been a great hot weather haircut!

Kids' hair grows quickly, though, so it will be back before you know it.

I'll be back to check out your blog again after that story! I hope for your sake that your days get better, not worse!

Paige said...

Damn is a swear word? I'm in trouble. Next you are going to be telling me shi* is too!

blog author said...

wow, and i thought i had a hard day bc of one of my irritating clients. it just doesn't compare to poop in the carpet, pink eye, unsupervised hair cuts, etc. What a wild ride. glad you survived. hope you're reading your comments tonight with a great big glass of wine :) or diet coke. whichever

Hollyween said...

I have had a very similar day today, but mine isn't as entertaining as yours otherwise I'd blog about it.

I have a potty mouth too and Levi keeps telling me that "sucks" is a swear word. GREAT! Now I can't even say that.

Celia Fae said...

Paige used to spell the swear words at the top of her lungs. Real swear words. One day her oldest kid started spelling it out for himself when he was mad and she stopped.

I miss swearing. It makes me feel so good. Sorry about the crap and the hair. Take away all of her Christmas presents.

Jessica said...

Those were doozies. Sorry.

I don't swear, I just throw stuff and yell. One day, after I'd totally lost it, I happened to walk by a mirror and decided to see what I'd just looked like. So I yelled at myself in the mirror, using the same expressions. It. Was. Awful. I feel sorry my kids have to look at that.

D-dawg said...

AMY! I am dying over your day. The icky brown poo everywhere would have for sure thrown me over the edge! I feel tired just reading this. I'm glad you went and paid your kids. I love telling my kids that even moms make mistakes and it is ok! Cause then when I do something bad they tell me it's ok. I hope everyone is feeling better.

Bridget said...

Oh, you have had one very rotten horrible day. So sorry. Good for you though for sticking to that dollar rule.

I have a hard time with 'damn' being a swear word. My grandma- who I am sure made it to heaven just fine- used that word in casual conversation all the time.

Oh, and about the triathlon. If I can do it, I know anyone can. I have never been a strong swimmer myself. My friend told me to read "Total Immersion" a book about swimming technique. I basically taught myself. If you have a bike and have access to a pool, I TOTALLY recommend trying it. You'll be hooked. Much easier than a half marathon I can guarantee that.

Are You Serious! said...

Her hair looks cute... You did a bang up job fixing it. As for all the OTHER stuff---UUUUGGGHHHHH Sick kids is so not fun.

Spammon said...

LOL!! Oh man, when I taught nursery I wanted to pound the parents that brought their kids in with pink eye. Next thing I knew, all the kids and myself had it. That stuff is a plague. Last time I had it my eye was completely sealed shut.

Also, you will for sure hate me, but I love telling little kids that they should cut their own hair. Why you ask? Because the next Sunday they show up to church looking like they stuck their head in a blender. Good stuff I tell ya, GOOD STUFF!!

AMY said...

Spammon,
Did you substitute our nursery class last week???? Damn you. Oops...there's another dollar.

Cecily R said...

Is it bad that I am secretly glad that you can be a potty mouth friend with me and Kate? Hee!

Joe Dirt. Nuh-uh! She looks adorable--really! I was so envisioning worse!!!

Sorry about your sickies and your yucky carpet. I've had my share of not shining moments lately. I thing I owe both kids two dollars and two post it notes for last week!!

Amz said...

How aweful! When it rains it pours! I HATE days like that!

OHmommy said...

My first time on your blog and I am laughing outloud. Sorry.

Sorry about your carpet. Sorry about the she-devil.

My she-devil #2 cuts her hair a year ago at age 2 and it is still not quite normal. Then she moved onto her Polly Pockets hair. Guess what she isn't getting for Christmas?

Great Blog! I will be back.

crystal said...

HA! (my signature honk-laugh) I made that exact same penny-for-my-potty-mouth bargain and said pretty much that EXACT same retort, "It doesn't count when you're driving me NUTS!" (quickly followed up with, "Now go the hell to bed!")

By the way, my current tab is $15.00.

And I only am charged .50 per bad word.

I suck.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that was a crazy-sounding day all right (but yes, I did still giggle at your post!!). And your kids are just too cute! "Peety hair-tuts"??? LOVE it!!

Camden said...

By the way, I pay good money to cut Adyson's hair just like that, I love it!